sexuality is who we are

sexuality isn’t just what we do in the bedroom, it’s not just who or what we’re attracted to, it’s not just how we communicate our sexual desires. the term sexuality has become perverted, its true form has been restricted by a hyper-sexual society. we can’t see sexuality as a raw, true form of our humanity. we see it as something kinky, dirty, or sexy. 

sexuality is who we are. it’s how we connect with people of the opposite sex, how we as women comfort, how men protect, why women prefer certain things & why men prefer others. 

try detaching sexuality from explicitly sexual acts.

i think our culture has become so entranced in “my sexuality,” “your sexuality,” and it’s less about who you actually are. we introduce ourselves by announcing who/what we’re sexually attracted to, we basically put descriptions of our genitalia (or lack thereof) in our instagram bios and our email signatures. 

we say we’re resisting making assumptions about someone. we say we’re resisting traditional toxic norms, which put women in one box and men in the other. 

yet, by limiting ourselves to our pronouns and our attraction, aren’t we putting ourselves in boxes yet again? 

both traditional, toxic norms, as well as current, progressive ideologies are harming us. both say we’re nothing other than our genitalia and what we do in the bedroom. both say this is our identity. 

in reality, we express sexuality in everything we do. when a man takes pride in paying for his mother, holding the door for a child, or lifting something heavy for his grandmother. when a woman finds joy in consoling a friend, sharing a message of unity with her coworkers, or poking light-hearted, witty fun at her boss. these are all ways we share our sexuality and we use it for the good of our communities. men and women have unique strengths. this isn’t misogynist, this isn’t toxic, it’s beautiful, affirming, and true. 

let’s refuse to be put in boxes. let’s refuse to be limited to sexuality. let’s use sexuality, as God intended, to love others, to comfort others, to connect with others, and yes, to flirt with others! tell your girlfriend she’s good-looking, and leave your phone number for your server to find! but don’t limit yourself to these overtly sexual actions. in reality, what we’re attracted to is a portion of sexuality and therefore it’s a portion of who we are. however, the fullness of sexuality; how we love and connect with others, is what makes us who we are.