more sensuality, less sex
how is it possible that our culture is way too sexual, yet way too regressive?
we find it repulsive for a woman to breastfeed publicly, yet we have no problem with derogatory hooters billboards and sports illustrated swimsuit in the checkout lines.
we find it unacceptable for a middle schooler to show her knees and shoulders in class, yet we claim that birth control and abortion are “up to her” and no one should impose on her bodily decisions.
we consider it distasteful for a couple in love to display their affection publicly, yet we have no problem with the graphic sex scenes in white lotus.
high school boys are increasingly unashamed of their porn consumption, yet would be humiliated for the school to know they’re in love with a girl. high school guys often try to keep their love lives under wraps, yet it’s funny to show nudes of their girlfriend (or even worse, their friend with benefits) to the football team.
these disparities, this societal hypocrisy, must stop.
tn the beginning, man and woman were unashamed. there was no objectification. they lived in perfect harmony with one another, completely naked. of course, original sin reared its ugly head; ever since clothing has been a necessity. people will objectify us and they should not have access to us. no one other than our husband or wife should have full access to our bodies.
that said, my hypothesis is that if the theatrical, photoshopped, perverted, unrealistic sex displayed in our society was not just taken away, but replaced by realistic, God-pleasing portrayals of the human physique, human connection, and sexual satisfaction, then lust would be severely diminished.
after all, the reason porn is so addictive, the reason that “sex sells” is because it’s shocking. it’s paralyzing. unlike your favorite cooking show, we have to make a definitive, intentional, and difficult choice to look away. this is because we’re not exposed to it in healthy ways.
if we’re not exposed to sex in healthy, yet frequent ways, this will forever be our interpretation of sex. then, when the big day finally arrives, we’re underwhelmed. we’re disappointed that it wasn’t as hot as we thought it would be. we know what it’s supposed to look like, but we have no idea what it feels like. we have no idea how to be present, how to laugh when we get tangled up, how to pause and look at one another, how to listen to our bodies with the other person and decide what feels good. all we know is what it looks like.
i know a lot of you are probably freaking out and it’s because you haven’t been exposed to sex in a healthy way. we’re dealing with the effects of original sin, which seeks to paralyze us to God’s message. God’s message is that sex with your spouse is the most heavenly experience on earth. of course the enemy will try to dull that.
if men don’t know what normal breasts look like, if women don’t know what an erect penis looks like, we are set up for failure. we are trained to only view genitalia in an erotic context, something to stimulate us and, in a sense, get us high. we see human connection as dirty.
now, this doesn’t mean I’m saying you should go watch porn or read sexts or send nudes. all of this contributes to a perverted mindset. if something is intended to arouse you, it’s not meant for good. if it’s meant to educate you, it is for good.
i want to be clear: i do not believe it is a sin to be aroused by someone else. in moderation, being aroused means everything’s working properly. on the other hand, if you never experience arousal, you might be asexual. i believe this is a result of the epidemic of loneliness and i believe God has something better in store for you. in short, i don’t believe arousal or non arousal are sins. they’re just states of being. it’s only a sin to consent to and indulge in lustful thoughts about someone.
i believe in cultivating a society that is as close to “the beginning” as possible. in the beginning, we didn’t see one another as objects. sex between lovers was private, but our bodies were not. man & woman knew satisfaction, they knew connection, and the act of sex was a form of prayer and worship. it wasn’t stigmatized or eroticized. it was as natural as anything else; not something to flaunt, but not something to hide.
here’s what I believe an ideal society would look like.
first and foremost, the epidemic of loneliness would be eradicated. men go to hooters, kids watch porn, and women buy dildos, all out of loneliness. we have no one to satisfy us so we take matters into our own hands, literally.
sex would no longer sell since we’d be sexually satisfied. we don’t need to buy something if we’re already satisfied with what we have.
this would eliminate the billboards, the commercials, the posters, the ads, all selling sex in some way, even if it’s just to sell a hamburger. the woman on the billboard would do nothing for men because the person who really arouses him is his wife. companies would be forced to stop trying to sell sex because it wouldn’t sell. in fact, it would put people off due to its unrealistic depiction.
we would redefine modesty. today, it’s associated with what women wear. instead, the world would be indifferent to what a woman wore, and more concerned with her heart. it would be unthinkable for a woman to wear scandalous clothes or engage in lustful thoughts. additionally, the expectation of modesty would be applied to men equally. it would be unthinkable for a man to watch porn, to engage in lustful thoughts, or to ask for nudes from anyone.
on a more tangible level,
husband and wife, when asked what they did today, would be able to say “well, we went to the grocery store, had sex, studied, and made dinner.”
porn would be undesirable for all age groups since we’d have such a greater understanding of sex. porn would be dull and useless since we’d be far more aroused with our partner.
whenever sex was depicted, it would be only in an educational or artistic manner, which would result in higher sexual satisfaction, especially among women. descriptions and images depicting sex would be efforts to normalize, rather than desensitize. a random woman’s nipples and glutes would neither deeply arouse nor repulse a man. instead, her heart would be what’s truly arousing.
ultimately, i believe if we could take the scandal out of sex, we would actually become less hyper-sexual and more sensual, thoughtful, and caring. we would accomplish kneutrality.